Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
