I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize