He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
