laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
