well you can't waste a boner
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
