Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Iām torn. Sheās crazy - like legitimately āWear your skin as a suitā crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
