It's Friday. Sex?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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