You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
how drunk are you?
Several
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize