He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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