She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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