yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
