I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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