I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How does one acquire holy water?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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