It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
