Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
