remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We have started to decorate penises.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize