I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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