I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
