The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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