Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who died my cat blue again?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
