trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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