erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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