Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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