note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
