FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
