i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
