dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize