loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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