I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
