No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
