I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
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