pop tarts are not kleenex
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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