Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
