Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
