I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You are the jesus of drinking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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