Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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