the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
