i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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