Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
