I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize