This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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