allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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