hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
