so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just want to make out with him forever
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
