Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
