how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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