do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
