Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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