I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
