my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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