Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
