Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
