Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
