Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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