I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
