these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
