I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
