i just wanna soil my oats bro
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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