On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
