A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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