Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
