I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
