so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am one with the molecules
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
