Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
