I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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