Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
