My Higher Power is John Stamos
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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