i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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