Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
